ROCHESTER, NEW YORK—Amid the bleak backdrop of imminent economic collapse in the print industry, worried Kodak shareholders got some good news this April when the White House awarded $3 billion in funding to help Kodak "prepare for printing challenges of the new millennium."
"Inkjet presses are cool," said Barak Obama in a prepared statement to the business media representatives this morning. "What America needs is more inkjets spread far and wide across this beautiful land, a lovely carpet of marvelous machines consuming ink bought and certified by the Kodak corporation."
Kodak CEO Antonio M. Perez was quoted at being "elated" at the news: "You know, it seems every damn year since the tech meltdown, we've had to do layoffs. Hey Bill, sorry you gotta go. Mary, tough luck, see you later."
"Maybe this year, with the $3 billion, we can maybe hire some people for a change. Hell, how about a pay increase?"